Chapter 8 - The Wallaby King

 

The settlement of Blundergard prospered. The longhouses were complete. The fishing was excellent. The stores of food grew steadily. For the first time since arriving in the southern land, life seemed peaceful.

Naturally, this made Rikus suspicious. "A proper adventure must be nearby," he announced one morning. The settlers immediately became concerned. Experience had taught them that adventures and Rikus rarely ended quietly.

Sven the Goat looked up from a particularly fine patch of grass. The goat considered hiding. Instead, he followed. As usual. Rikus gathered a small expedition and headed inland.

The group crossed rivers, climbed hills, and followed game trails through the forests of Blundergard. The land was beautiful. Towering trees stretched toward the sky.

Bright birds flashed through the canopy. Strange animals watched from the shadows.Every day brought new discoveries.

On the third morning, the expedition entered a wide grassy valley.

At its centre stood the largest wallaby any of them had ever seen. The creature stood proudly upon a rocky outcrop. Its chest puffed out. Its ears twitched in the breeze. Behind it grazed dozens of smaller wallabies.

The animal surveyed the valley like a ruler overlooking a kingdom. The settlers stared. The wallaby stared back.

Rikus narrowed his eyes."I see." The others waited.  "The local king."

The navigator sighed immediately. "No."

Rikus pointed dramatically. "Look at him."

"We are."

"He stands above his people."

"He is standing on a rock."

"He surveys his domain."

"He's eating grass."

"He possesses natural authority."

"He's scratching his ear."

The debate continued for several minutes. The wallaby remained entirely unaware of its growing political significance. Rikus eventually reached a decision.

"We must establish diplomatic relations."

The crew groaned. Sven groaned louder. Unfortunately, diplomacy was one of the few things Rikus had never attempted. Which made him eager to try.

The expedition approached cautiously. The wallaby watched them. It did not move.

Rikus stepped forward.

He cleared his throat.

Then delivered what he believed was a formal royal greeting.

"Greetings, mighty king of the hopping people."

The wallaby blinked.

"I am Rikus Rikmansen, explorer, sailor, discoverer of Blundergard, survivor of sea monsters, and occasional owner of battle axes."

The wallaby chewed some grass. Rikus interpreted this as interest.

"I seek friendship between our peoples."

The wallaby continued chewing.

"I bring gifts."

The wallaby scratched its nose. The settlers watched in silence. No one wished to interrupt. Partly because it was amusing. Partly because they were curious how long this could continue.

Rikus produced a polished drinking horn. He placed it before the wallaby. The animal hopped forward. The settlers smiled. Perhaps diplomacy was working after all.

The wallaby sniffed the horn. Then kicked it directly into a river. The negotiations deteriorated rapidly. Rikus gasped. The wallaby bounced backward.

The crew struggled not to laugh.

"An insult!" declared Rikus.

The wallaby looked confused.

"It rejects our offer of friendship."

The navigator rubbed his forehead. "It may simply dislike drinking horns."

The wallaby hopped closer. For a moment it appeared curious. Then it stood upright. Quite upright. Much taller than anyone expected. Even Rikus seemed impressed.

The creature puffed out its chest. The settlers waited. The wallaby waited.The silence stretched. Then Rikus puffed out his chest as well. 

The wallaby took a step forward, Rikus took a step forward. The wallaby bounced, Rikus bounced. The wallaby stared, Rikus stared.

The settlers realised they were witnessing the least important standoff in history. Then the wallaby punched him.

Nobody saw it coming. One moment Rikus was standing proudly. The next he was flying through the air. He landed in a bush. Several birds exploded from the branches.

Silence filled the valley. The wallaby looked satisfied.Then it casually returned to eating grass. The settlers collapsed with laughter. Even Sven appeared amused. The navigator fell to his knees. The blacksmith could barely breathe. One sailor laughed so hard he rolled downhill.

Rikus emerged from the bush covered in leaves. His dignity had suffered more damage than his body. The wallaby ignored him completely.

After several moments, Rikus brushed himself off. He looked at the wallaby. The wallaby looked at him.

Then, slowly, Rikus nodded."A worthy ruler."

The crew laughed harder than ever. By the time they returned to Blundergard, the  story had already become legend. Within days the tale spread through the settlement. Artists carved wallabies into wooden beams. Children pretended to be the Wallaby King.

Songs were written. Most of them were extremely unhelpful. The most popular chorus included the line:

"Beware the king who hops and swings,
For wallaby fists are mighty things."

Rikus disliked the song. Everyone sang it anyway. 

Months later, a carved statue appeared outside the meeting hall. It depicted the Wallaby King standing proudly upon a rock. At its feet stood a much smaller figure of Rikus flying through the air.

The statue became one of Blundergard's most treasured landmarks. Visitors travelled from distant settlements to see it. Rikus objected repeatedly. No one listened.

Years later, whenever newcomers asked how the people of Blundergard first met the local wildlife, the settlers would simply point to the statue and laugh.

And somewhere in the valley, the descendants of the original Wallaby King continued hopping peacefully through the grasslands.

Unaware that they had become part of one of the greatest sagas ever told. Or that their ancestor had once defeated the mighty Rikus Rikmansen in single combat.

Without breaking a sweat.